My sweet boy went off to his first day of preschool today.
Fox isn’t around kids very often. When he is, he’s kind and generous — other parents always comment on those things. We did worry that he wasn’t getting enough social interaction and, furthermore, I didn’t think I was adequately teaching him everything he should learn at this age.
While I spent hours searching for the tools to keep him on track with other kids his age, I started a new job working part time from home in addition to blogging. My husband is in the same boat, except he’s full time. We were both struggling to keep up with our duties, maintain a house, and give Fox the attention he deserves.
Ty and I selected the school Fox is attending as soon as we moved to the Valley in December. I loved everything about it and hoped I would feel the same after a walkthrough (all three of us did!).
We were all on cloud 9 the day we signed him up.
I had a dream that night that shook me harder than I’ve ever felt fear before in my life. I woke up grabbing at my chest to keep my heart from leaping out.
There’s this website I visit that gives an explanation to the people, places, and things you may see in your dreams. I’ve been using this site for about a decade, half out of curiosity and half to explain away problematic scenarios.
The night before Tyler and I began dating seriously, I wrote this on my old blog: “I had a dream last night about killer whales and rotten tomatoes. Meaning I’m emotionally unavailable but willing to change. I’m ready.”
Whether or not these things actually tell you what your mind won’t spell out, I always find them comforting.
Imagine my surprise when my terrifying nightmare was explained as, “As your child reaches certain milestones and grows into an adult, this may be symbolic of their own self-discovery, transition, and transformation into a new stage of life.”
So, I sucked up my worries and sent my baby off to preschool.
I never realized just how many times I think of Fox all day long. It’s second nature and nonstop, so every time I heard a car lay on the horn outside I thought “shut up, the baby’s asleep!” and when I saw a little blue chalky footprint leading in from the backyard I almost called his name to wipe his feet off.
Truth be told, after he gave us both a hug goodbye, he didn’t look for us again. He was busy with his new friends, who all said goodbye to him by name when 5 p.m. rolled around. There were no tears from him, just a brave little boy with newfound independence.